These are flicks that when I think of my ‘viewing experience of them, I get pissed.  I wish I had those hours back, my brain space that recorded memories of them, etc. etc.  Read and discuss…Perhaps you agree with me, perhaps not…

We’ll start with 1980‘s first:

I was only 6 but I still could tell good movies from the bad:

1980:

  1. The Blue Lagoon-Incest between brother/sister on a tropical island…Great!
  2. Oh! Heavenly Dog is a shitty comedy starring Chevy Chase (just one of thousands) as Benji.  Great concept on this one.
  3. Smokey and the Bandit II (never even saw the first one and after seeing this crappy comedy I don’t want to) starring Burt Reynolds still running from the lawman Jackie Gleason (sad for him to do this shit).  I felt dirty after seeing this, it was that bad.
  4. Flash Gordon-Bad F/X, plot was retarded and the main hero and villain sucked hard.  Even as a little kid I wondered why they ever made it.
  5. Popeye-All-time dumb comic-based movie starring Robin Williams.

1981:

  1. Arthur-Comedy about an alcoholic millionaire.  Great stuff for my parents to bring me to.  Even better that I would see an alcoholic mom in real life years later, and guess what it isn‘t a laugh riot like in films…
  2. Cannonball Run (AKA Smokey and the Bandit part 3)-Same basic plot with more cleavage.
  3. Condorman-Worst superhero ever?  Spy thriller/superhero wannabe not a good combo.
  4. Chariots of Fire-May be a good flick (Won Best Picture), but for a kid its super boring.  British Olympian runners to that annoying music?
  5. Heavy Metal-All I remember about it is it had rock music, monsters and cartoon female nudity…and I still hated it.
  6. The Four Seasons-Alan Alda films suck.  Relationship films suck.  Add both together…
  7. Mommie Dearest-Boring ass biography about some dead famous actress who apparently didn’t care for wire hangers.
  8. On Golden Pond-OMG this movie is like watching yer grandparents talk about the Depression…and you can’t get up from the chair.  I truly despise this movie, its really a miracle, in and of itself, that I ever saw another film in a theater.
  9. Quest For Fire-Some pointless caveman-fire movie with Rae Dawn Chung.  I doubt living at that time was this boring.

1982:

  1. Annie-To even comment on this movie will boil my blood.  Next…
  2. Beastmaster-Sounds cool, right?  It’s not.  It’s incredibly lame.  He talks to animals…
  3. Best Little Whorehouse In Texas-It was a musical.  My mom was a huge fan of Dolly Parton so that was probably why we went.  She doesn’t even get undressed in the film, what false advertising based on the title.  I think it’s mostly guys in their skivvies in this film, I felt dirty afterwards…
  4. Gandhi-He was bald, boring and oddly played by Ben Kingsley who is white.
  5. Grease2-This has to be the worst unwatchable without any merit whatsoever piece of celluloid shit ever produced by Hollywood.  First film for Michelle Pheiffer…its amazing she ever got another film after this one.
  6. Swamp Thing-Frankenstein in swamp with bad F/X and a nude Adrienne Barbeau.  Fine, fine work by Wes Craven.
  7. Tron-Cannot believe they are making a sequel.  This film is why you should never make films based on crappy or good for that matter video games.  Really bad F/X too.  Can anyone even tell me what its about?
  8. Victor/Victoria-Musical comedy about a woman who plays a man playing a woman…my parents were disturbed to take me to this.  Its a wonder why I’m not writing this in a dress today…
  9. The World According To Garp-Feminism AND a transvestite John Lithgow…great stuff…

1983:

  1. D.C. Cab-Mr. T as a cabbie.  With Gary Busey.  ‘Nuff said.
  2. Eddie and the Cruisers-The film is about a television reporter investigating the mysterious death of them and the search for his band’s second album, which disappeared from the vaults of Satin Records the day he died.  It somehow got a sequel…Eddie and the Cruisers II: Eddie Lives!…that’s not even a joke either.  Pointless film with shitty music.
  3. The King of Comedy-A comedy with De Niro and Jerry Lewis…why?
  4. Psycho II-Doing a sequel to the original is blasphemy to begin with.
  5. Silkwood-Melodramas with Meryl Streep have to be stopped.
  6. Valley Girl-Nic Cage talkin’ valley speak for an hour and a half.  Is it like nails on a blackboard?  Like fer sure.
  7. Yentyl-If its Jewish…Barbara Sreisand will do it…very badly (probably to the lack of any talent whatsover).  She plays a chick who lives like a man so she can get educated in Jewish Talmudic Law after her father dies.  ‘Papa, can you hear (my screeching) me?’

1984: I was 10!