The Copasetic Lounge

Woman Crashes Car While Shaving Vag

A Florida woman recently caused an accident while on her way to visit her boyfriend. Police say Megan Mariah Barnes was driving and had her ex-husband take the wheel for her from the passenger’s seat while she prepared for a date.  While on the way to Key West, Barnes sensed that her vaj wasn’t smooth enough, so she decided to shave it. The Thunderbird she was driving slammed into the back of another vehicle and she kept on going. Cops say about a half-mile down the road Barnes pulled over and jumped into the back seat and let her ex-husband get in the driver’s seat.  Barnes was convicted of a second DUI and driving under suspension the day before, so she really didn’t need to get caught driving again.  But, of course, she did. Burns on her ex’s chest from the passenger side airbag proved he wasn’t driving when the accident happened. She was charged with driving with a revoked license, reckless driving, leaving the scene of an accident with injuries and driving with no insurance.  Now she and her shaved beaver are likely headed to jail.

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Found this on the net:

Examples of how dumb people are…

1. When his 38 caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach, CA  would-be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.

2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting machine and after a little shopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company expecting negligence sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and he also lost a finger. The chef’s claim was approved.

3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space. ‘Understandably’, he shot her.

4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn’t discovered for 3 days.

5.. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train.  When asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.

6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided.. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer…. $15. [If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime committed?]

7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he’d just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.

8. As a female shopper exited a New York Convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, “Yes, officer, that’s her. That’s the lady I stole the purse from.”

9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan at 5 A.M., flashed a gun, and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn’t open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren’t available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away.

10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle Street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline, but he plugged his siphon hose into the motor home’s sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges saying that it was the best laugh he’d ever had.

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• Sandra Bullock wins an Oscar. All things are possible.  Hell might have frost.  “Did I really earn this or did I wear you all down?” she said. Good question, I go with the latter.

• Meryl Streep-16 nominations.  Really?  she’s that good?  or is the rest of the pack that bad?  Here’s the catch though, she’s only won 2 Oscars out of those 16.  Leads me to believe that the pack sucks.
  

• Listening to Jeff Bridges ramble when he won, I wonder if he was acting when playing “The Dude” in “The Big Lebowski.”

• Is anyone else troubled by the fact that people like: Mickey Rourke, Mark Wahlberg, Eddie Murphy, Leonardo DiCaprio, Winona Ryder, Will Smith, Brad Pitt, Michael Clarke Duncan, Jake Gyllenhaal, Matt Dillon, Uma Thurman, Salma Hayek, Jennifer Tilly, John C. Reilly, Barbara Hershey, Diane Keaton, Ethan Hawke, Burt Reynolds, Greg Kinnear, Queen Latifah, Nick Nolte, Kate Hudson, Edward Norton, and Tom Cruise have been nominated for Oscars since 95′?

• Or worse that these people actually won, if you can believe that: Halle Berry, Nicole Kidman, Catherine Zeta-Jones, Benicio Del Toro, Jennifer Connelly, Jennifer Hudson, Penelope Cruz, Julia Roberts, Tom Hanks, Billy Bob Thornton, Roberto Benigni, Jodie Foster, Kim Basinger, Helen Hunt, Cuba Gooding, Jr., Dianne Wiest, and Jamie Foxx.  I’ve seen this people ‘act’.  Suffice it to say, I’m not impressed…

Next year's Best Actress. God help us all...

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As the two ‘good’ groups reunite on the beach, a submarine periscope pops up from the water. The bad guy Widmore is inside it.  Oooo…ominous!  It was one of the most ridiculous things I’ve seen on this show, and keep in mind the villain on the show is a ’smoke monster’…sad.  If this was the first time I had tuned in to see Lost, it would’ve been the last as well.  Whole thing was pathetically shot like a bad B-movie or a parody on SNL.  Here’s to hoping the last 11 episodes (9 episodes lus the 2-hour finale) don’t hit this low again…

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The District of Columbia joins Connecticut, Iowa, Massachusetts, New Hampshire and Vermont as the 6 places in the U.S. that issue same-sex couples marriage licenses.

Connecticut, New Hampshire and Vermont, I get.  They’re some of the most liberal blue states in the country.  Massachusetts started this whole ball rolling by becoming the first state to issue the licenses (In 2008, Massachusetts voters passed an initiative decriminalizing possession of small amounts of marijuana).  This and being the land of Kennedys, obviously says they’re a liberal bunch.  D.C. reelected Marion Barry (who, I’m not even joking, ran under the slogan “He May Not Be Perfect, But He’s Perfect for D.C.” ) despite the prostitute/crack bust by police (to quote him, ‘Bitch, done set me up’) so ’nuff said there…

But Iowa?  The Midwest? An area often referred to as the “American Heartland’?   The state that produced Johnny Carson and Donna Reed?  No idea.  Methinks something is in the water supply in that state.

With friends like Marion...

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Miss school.  it’s only been four days off and I miss the damn school.  well, I miss interaction with others, not so much the endless quizzes, pop quizzes, tests, midterms, papers, etc. etc.  I miss the good days as few and far between as they are.

I need to get stuff done around the house.  get my crap in order.  first step, no sweat:  write list.  that I can do.  It’s the actual follow-up that’s the kicker.  I tend to have problems doing that in my life.  that and I tend to get easily distracted and give up on things too soon when they go south.

I miss football.  I know I say that a lot but it’s true.  Currently, I’m really looking forward to the Draft next month.  I need more hobbies.  I like movies.  Bought Watchmen finally (guy at the cashier tried to talk me out of it).  Burn After Reading, The Reader (for the wife), Heartbreak Kid, Zodiac, and Traitor I bought recently (all discounted significantly.  I don’t usually buy brand-spankin’ new).

My sister has an exchange student from Japan living with her.  I only know this via Facebook, as my family never calls.  On Facebook, I learned mom’s OK (well, OK for her), and Dad’s supposedly getting regular cancer treatment (though I’ll believe it when I see it).

Lost.  That’s a hobby, right?  I avoided the damn show like the plague for its entire run but now I’m hooked.  I must be incredibly bored…TV-wise…to be watching it.  It’s bad guy is a smoke monster.  that’s sad.  I believe the show’s about good verses evil, Jesus verses Satan, blah, blah, blah.  We’ll see…

All my old friends have scattered after high school.  it’s tough to make friends in college (Hell, it’s hard to get half these idiots to return an email.  Note:  just cause I write you an email that says, ‘hey what did I miss in class last time?’ does not mean I want you).   Why are people so common sense dumb?  Most people (at least those that I’ve come across in my life) are either ‘book smarts’ dumb or ‘common sense’ dumb.  Rare indeed is the person who is neither.  Those people I tend to befriend.  ‘Book smarts’ dumb people are pull-yer-hair-out annoying as you have to dumb yourself down, use only the basic words and explain everything to them like they’re a retarded small child.  ‘Common sense’ dumb is frustrating because the people are articulate but dumb in the ways of society, for example, I know a kid that’s smart but doesn’t know how to pump gas.  that’s sad…

Pretty soon that Mike Judge flick Idiocracy will be reality.  Scary…

U.S. President Dwayne Elizondo Mountain Dew Herbert Camacho, porn super-star and five-time ultimate smackdown wrestling champion.

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New England Patriots coach Bill Belichick’s daughter Amanda Belichick recently became an assistant coach at UMass.  She became a third-generation Belichick to lead others onto the field.  Her grandfather, Steve, was an assistant football coach at Navy for 33 years.  Her dad is going strong dishonorably year in, year out for 35 years.

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Every one who was thought to win, did.  I know it’s cliche but damn that show takes forever.  I’m just happy that freakin’ obscene money-maker Avatar didn’t win Best Picture.  F the smurfs.

On a side note, that Hurt Locker director Kathryn Bigelow directed one of my personal favorite movies years ago:  Point Break.   Chick’s a smokin’ hottie.   And now thanks to her Hurt Locker winning Best Picture/Best Director, she’s the 1st female director ever to do so.  Must’ve been weird to be up for Best Picture against your ex-husband James Cameron though.  Weirder yet is this photo afterwards:

ex-wife Bigelow on left, current wife Suzy Amis on right.

I know they divorced years ago, but…c’mon!  yer James freakin’ Cameron, ‘King of the World’ director of two of the biggest films ever Titanic and Avatar…and yer married to this???  She looks like what I’d imagine a union between the Crypt Keeper and Gollum would produce:   a really, really ugly baby.

On another side note:  Suzy Amis used to be not ugly.  not good looking per say, just not ugly.  Time (or the Sun or genetics or whatever) has ravaged whatever good looks she did have though.  If I was Cameron it’d kill me to see my ex looking so fine and having to go home with the Grendel afterwards…

Rough.

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Onward the simian goes…to Pinellas Point pink streets (so-named for their unique pink-tinted winding paths). Where is he going?  Will he ever be stopped?  TUNE IN NEXT TIME…(Ba, ba, BUM)

Neighbors along the tree-lined streets reported seeing the monkey darting through yards and across roads. Seminole wildlife trapper Vernon Yates said he got calls as late as Sunday afternoon from people saying the monkey was in a mangrove near the southernmost tip of St. Petersburg. He did not try to trap the monkey.

“He’s in a mangrove,” Yates said. “It’d be a waste of time.”

Since late 2008, the monkey has been seen everywhere from Hudson to Temple Terrace to Clearwater to Gulfport. Officials believe the monkey, a young male rhesus macaque, came from the only known breeding ground for such monkeys in Silver Springs near Ocala. He most likely was picked on by larger monkeys and is now seeking a new group of monkey friends, which is what he would do in his native Asia. The monkey was seen last week near 22nd Street and 54th Avenue S in St. Petersburg, sparking a media frenzy and a Facebook fan page supporting the primate’s plight.

The links:

GoMonkeyGo

Mystery Monkey of Tampa Bay

I love how this writer hypothesizes why the monkey is on the loose…to make friends!  of course.  Why didn’t I think of that?  That, or perhaps the animal just likes freedom, but hey, I’m no reporter, kid on the street on the scene, or a wildlife trapper, so what do I know…

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Lakers at Magic or it could have been called Kobe vs. Matt Barnes.  Those two definitely do not get along.  Technical fouls for both, jawing at each other, getting chippy, etc.  The game was physical, contentious, heated, and well-played on both sides even in the face of some terrible officiating that hurt both teams in different ways.  Barnes’ tete-a-tetes with Bryant were so engaging and energetic that the journeyman forward’s name began trending worldwide on Twitter.  Barnes got in Bryant’s face after a play, later threw an elbow at him, got in his face again, and even faked throwing the inbound pass in Kobe’s face as seen here:

Bryant didn’t even flinch.  Magic should have won easily but they couldn’t seem to put the Lakers away for some reason.  Barnes, though, had the final laugh. With Orlando clinging to a three-point lead and 1:29 to play, Bryant tried to take Barnes one-on-one and attempted a dagger three-pointer for the tie. It missed badly. Carter grabbed the rebound and dished to Jameer Nelson, who pushed the tempo. L.A.’s transition defense scrambled, and Bryant lost track of Barnes, who spotted up on the right wing and drilled a crucial three-pointer to boost Orlando’s lead to 6.

Barnes had defended Bryant all game, had watched him score 34 points and now was left alone on the Lakers’ guard with Orlando holding a 96-94 lead with 9.7 seconds left.   Bryant pulled up for a 20-foot jumper for the tie that missed as time expired.

Lakers have now lost three straight games in a row (first time that’s happened since they picked up Paul Gasol couple years ago).  And the Magic have now won 5 straight.  15 of the last 19, I believe.

Hopefully, we’ll meet up with these pricks again in the NBA Finals…get a little revenge.  that would be nice.

Kobe Bryant scores 34 points but misses a last-second jumper that would have tied the game. (AP)

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