The Copasetic Lounge

Where only the coolest cats come…to read? really? we’re going with that??! ok…to read

Jackson’s dead…and where did Bubbles run off to?

Bubbles is a chimpanzee Jackson rescued the three-year-old chimp from a cancer research clinic in Texas in 1985.  Despite the pair enjoying a close relationship, many media sources mocked the friendship. The public thought of Jackson as a bizarre eccentric, obsessed with recapturing his childhood, and he was subsequently dubbed “Wacko Jacko”.   Here’s some of their highlight moments together:

  • Bubbles sat in for the recording sessions of the Bad album and escorted Jackson for the filming of the “Bad” music video.
  • During the Bad world tour, he and the singer shared a two-bedroom hotel suite in Tokyo. 
  • At a party to celebrate and promote Bad, Bubbles reportedly “worked the room” and was “the life of the party”.
  • At Neverland, he slept in a crib at the corner of Jackson’s bedroom. Bubbles was allowed to use Jackson’s private toilet, although the chimp sometimes wore a diaper.
  • Jackson and Bubbles accompanied each other on outings and talked together.
  • The singer later taught the chimp how to moonwalk.
  • Bubbles, who had an agent, was also rumoured to have his own bodyguard.
  • Jackson’s maids stated that they were not impressed with the behaviour of the various chimps Jackson had kept over the years. One housekeeper told of how she had to clean up the droppings of one of the chimps, after it hurled its feces at the bedroom wall. Another maid described a chimp called Max tearing off his diaper before crawling into Jackson’s bed.
  •  When Jackson’s longtime friend Elizabeth Taylor went to an opening of a clinic, she was accompanied by the singer and Bubbles. Jackson and the ape wore matching military uniforms.  On another occasion, Jackson and his friend went to Taylor’s house for tea. The actress didn’t mind the fact that the singer had brought a chimpanzee.  Taylor’s eighth wedding was held at Neverland Ranch. The media reported that Bubbles would be the ring bearer.   The story was untrue but was an idea that some newspapers found too delightful not to report.
  • After MJ’s death, animal trainer Dunn, speaking to the News of the World, stated that the 26 year old chimp would miss the singer.  “Bubbles definitely missed him when they parted and will miss him now. Chimpanzees are intelligent. They remember people and stuff. Bubbles and Michael were close friends and playmates. The last time Michael visited, Bubbles definitely recognised and remembered him.”  He revealed that Jackson thought of Bubbles as his first child.  Dunn added that he hoped Jackson’s children would keep in touch with their “stepbrother”, following their father’s death.

That’s all and well, but did Bubbles the chimp kill the King of Pop Pedophiles?  It’s awful suspicious that the primate was no where to be found that day at Neverland or since.  But the crackerjack reporters at CNN managed to track him down.  Turns out he’s in a chimp retirement home for retired star apes.  Here is these thrilling interrogation of the suspect:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5KpcJPYJKo4

My Wife…The New H.B.I.C.

Urbandictionary.com defines H.B.I.C. as ‘Head Bitch In Charge… The female counterpart to the H.N.I.C or the H.M.F.I.C. The “Alpha female”… A lady boss’.  That’s my wife, except not the bitch part.  What is the opposite of a bitch?  I dunno, an anti-bitch?  Well, anyway my wife’s in charge of her office now, so we’ll see how that works out.  Is it better to be a cog in a clusterf*cked organization or head of the f*cked up retarded cogs?  Toe-may-toe, toe-mot-toe…never got that expression.  Who the hell pronounces it toe-mot-toe?  A pretentious rich ass or a pretentious foreigner ass, that’s who.  Everyone in reality says toe-MAY-toe.  Regardless, though, the wife’s running things at her work now.
Not sure if this means:
  • a) less stress because she can reorganize/keep these dumbasses on task as to what they’re suppose to be doing (Internet poker is not it by the way).
  • b) more stress because these lazyasses are used to no one supervising them and will most likely resist change aimed towards a group dynamic.
I know if it were me, I’d call all these bitches into the conference room and tell them how it is now under me.  Don’t like how I’m gonna run things?  Get the F*ck out…Here let me give you a good long boot from my size 13 shoes to the f*cking curb.  Good luck finding a job, the unemployment rate is at a 26yr high, plus yer a bad employee and a lazy ass, good luck fishing a good reference from me…
I’d be the H.M.F.I.C. (Head M.F. In Charge)…But I’d be in charge…and they’d know it.
As the old adage goes:  If you’re in a position of power, is it better to be feared or loved?
Love is great, they’ll invite you to cookouts, be yer buddies…Fear?  Fear means they’ll be on edge to get things right and scared shittless to goof off.  I’d pick feared.
http://blog.buzzflash.com/articles/files/cheney-fear-me_0.jpg

Movie Review: Role Models

Flat-out hilarious.  It’s everything that I Love You, Man wanted and tried to be.  A bro-comedy with heart and rauchy laughs.  You identify with these characters.  You like these characters.  Afte the movie’s over, you wish you could hang out with them.  That’s the sign of a great movie:  When it’s over you wonder how long it’ll be til the sequel comes out.

Paul Rudd is awesome here as a 35-year old, not married, mid-life crisis type of guy who is adrift in what to do with his life.  Should he get married?  Will that ‘fix’ his life?  Unlike in ILYMan, his character here is bitter, sarcastic and jaded AKA funny.  His best friend Seann William Scott (one of his best performances) is happy with his drifting life content with scoring with chicks, partying and wearing a minotaur suit for the energy drink company they both work for.  Add in having to ‘mentor’ two young kids from a Big Brothers type place, and it changes their lives.  The kids are Christopher Mintz-Plasse who played McLovin from Superbad (he’s better here as a role-playing nerd) and a new kid named Bobb’e Thompson who is freakin’ funny as a lil’ foul-mouthed kid.

Elizabeth Banks (who I like, but is in every movie you’ve seen in the last 5 years) is good as the gf of Rudd and their company lawyer to boot.

Special props to:

Jane Lynch (from Ricky Bobby, 40 year-old Virgin) steals the show as the ex-boozer, drug addict slut who supposely as changed her life around and now runs the Big Brother-like program they are forced to attend.

4**** astericks out of *****5 astericks

Well done, gentlemen…well done.

Kinda Rainy Today

Kinda miss the kids, kinda don’t.  Company is good, IF the company isn’t bickering with you or the rest of the pack.  I see now why some animals eat their young…

Life was much simpler when I was younger…

http://image2.milehighcomics.com/istore/images/fullsize/97792366288.113.GIF

John Byrne-Best artist ever (in his hayday here)

I had hobbies (sure it was comic books), friends (a few good ones), a semblance of a life (I had a car)…

Now not so much.  It’s not the wife’s fault or anything, it’s mine.  That and moving somewhere other than where you grew up originally.  I have no roots here, that sucks.  No one called me for my B-Day the other day.  I got facebooked by my wife and younger sister…that’s it.  Not even the rest of the family.  I wish they could’ve said hey at least.  Hell, shoot me an email…it’s the lowest form of e-communique nowadays.  Now, I’m trying to get ahold of my deadbeat family and see what their plans are for the 4th.  Probably nothing or, better yet, plans without me.  That’s always fun.  Yes, we have plans…but…

I need a good BBQ cookout.  Emphasis on the out.  As in outside.  Outside the place I live.  I feel like a hermit, a crabby herbit…a hermit crab, who has no friends and wishes for the peace of the dark abyss…OK, maybe not that far.

Back to the comic books, seriously, what’s up with them today?  I know it’s been awhile since I stopped collecting ‘em (1995 to be exact) but everything’s so different, so F’D up today:  Gay characters, trannies, Batwoman’s a friggin’ muffdiver.   More reality seems great, it really does, but it’s not.  Comic books are suppose to be an escape from the shittiness and injustice that is society.  Where’s the escape if the shitty reality invades that comic book mecca?  On one hand, comic book-based films are out every week, but when they’re done badly, a little piece of my heart dies.  Well, OK, not really, but it does hurt to see characters you grew up with and know backward and forward bastardized on favorite medium: movies.  But when it’s great, it’s great, its a throwback to my fondest days reading comics as a youth.

Even Byrne’s artwork is different nowadays…you’d think that the way a person draws would remain the same over time.  Such is life, full of change, like it or not.

Surprise!

http://matt.agonize.org/women/xgid5e.jpg.gif

I don't think my wife would laugh if I did this to her...

I Want To See Bruno, It Looks Hilarious

http://www.pinknews.co.uk/images/bruno.jpg
Man, Borat was very, very funny and it looks like Bruno is following in its footsteps.  Sasha Baron Cohen has redefined comedy and staying in character outside the movie roles to an art form.  Not only does he disappear in these roles but he does interviews for the films in character.  He wears clothes the character wears and speaks like they do (which isn’t necessarily easy to do with the flamboyantly gay Bruno character).  That’s commitment in my book, that or he needs to be committed.  Either way, it’s funny.  And that’s what a lot of comics nowadays miss.  It’s not about you, it’s about the funny.  True comic genius in my book is making an ass out of yerself.  Looking silly or gay or like Chris Farley did on SNL (often) show yer disgusting fat belly, whatever it takes to make people laugh.  We live in stressful times, we need to laugh.
Although she enjoyed Borat, for whatever reason, the wife isn’t big on Bruno.  I may have to go without her which would suck.  Here’s what the advance reviews say:

The crown of the reigning king of bad taste must pass from John Waters to Sacha Baron Cohen.

How Much Money Is Enough, Anyway?

Realistically, it’s the longest of the long shots that the Magic could re-sign Turkoglu when the free agency signing period officially starts at midnight tonight. The Magic reportedly have already offered Turkoglu a low-ball four-year, $35 million deal that Turkoglu declined before opting out of his final season with the Magic. That’s when the Magic went out and made the blockbuster trade for Vince Carter, who still has $34 million and two years left on his contract. It’s highly unlikely the Magic will come up with an offer that’s even close to the five-year, $50 million deal Turkoglu is reportedly seeking.  According to Turkoglu he’s just ‘looking out for his family’s future’.  Really???  Like only a mere piss in the pot thirty-five million dollars to play basketball for a living isnt enough to be set?  Is one man, even if he’s incredibly talented ala Michael Jordan, truly worth that kind of salary?

But it brings up an interesting point:  How much is enough?  How much is he or anyone really worth for the high-profile job that they do.  Pastors are a big conundrum salary-wise.  They live off of the scrapings of little old ladies writing checks for God instead of food for themselves.  They take God’s money from others and do whatever they wish with those funds, mostly without others (even the U.S. Government) even knowing.  Then they turn around and get tax-exempt status on it.  Prophets for profits is a great business to be in.  As the saying goes, ‘there’s a sucker born every minute’, and he wants to be he’s making a difference so start writing out the check…

On 6 November 2007, United States Senator Chuck Grassley of Iowa announced an investigation of several ministries by the United States Senate Committee on Finance.  Grassley asked for financial information (Grassley’s letter) to the committee to determine whether Dollar made any personal profit from financial donations and requested that Dollar’s ministry make the information available by December 6, 2007. The investigation also asked for information from five other televangelists: Benny Hinn, Kenneth Copeland, Eddie L. Long, Joyce Meyer, and Paula White.

On Mar 16, 2009, Grassley, now only an individual Senator on the committee, stated “My staff and I continue to review the information we’ve received from the ministries that cooperated, and we continue to weigh our options for the ministries that have not cooperated,” noting that two of the ministries gave full financial disclosure. Dollar has contested the probe, arguing that the proper governmental entity to examine religious groups is the IRS, not the Committee on Finance.

Here’s some of the more prominent  pastors with questionable fiscal responsibility with your funds:

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/e/ea/Benny_hinn_sanAntonio_training.jpg

In March 2005, Ministry Watch, an independent evangelical organization which reviews Christian ministries for financial transparency and efficiency and advises potential donors accordingly, issued a Donor Alert stating that “the reported exorbitant spending of the Benny Hinn family reveals that BHM has far more money than it needs to carry out its ministry” and advising Christians to “prayerfully consider withholding contributions to Benny Hinn” while praying for his restoration and repentance. Benny Hinn Ministries is not a member of the Evangelical Council for Financial Accountability.

Pastor Joyce Meyer, owns several expensive homes and travels in a private jet (currently a Gulfstream IV), has been criticized by some of her peers for living an excessive lifestyle. She claims that she doesn’t have to defend her spending habits because “there’s no need for us to apologize for being blessed.” Meyer also alludes to a double standard in the criticism of her lifestyle, saying, “You can be a businessman here in St. Louis, and people think the more you have, the more wonderful it is…but if you’re a preacher, then all of a sudden it becomes a problem.”

Pastor Eddie L. Long

On August 28, 2005 the Atlanta Journal-Constitution printed a front page spread accusing Long of mishandling funds that were funneled through a charity started by Long. The article reports that from 1997-2000, the non-profit charity, Bishop Eddie Long Ministries Inc., provided him with at least $3.07 million in salary, benefits and the use of property. Long contended that the charity did not solicit donations from members but instead gained its income from royalties, speaking fees and several large donations.

Pastor Paula White

In August 2007, Paula purchased a 3,300-square-foot (310 m2) home in Coveny Ranch, a master-planned community in the San Antonio metropolitan area, appraised at close to $700,000. The residence rests on 3.7 acres (15,000 m2) and includes a pool, guest house and three-car garage.

The Tampa Tribune reported on March 5, 2008 that Without Walls has put its 4,500–seat Tampa church up for sale, along with its 13.3-acre (5 ha) grounds and 94,000-square-foot (8,733 m2) offices and television studio, asking $30 million. Without Walls International Church is now facing foreclosure.

Paula White has received criticism from some Christians for promoting a prosperity gospel. Paula White’s ministries took in $39.9 million in 2006.  Paula White used about $28.6 million to help promote her church’s programs, conferences and outreach efforts, the audit said. A former staff member for Without Walls International Church named Hector Gomez said, “Mansions, big planes, money, fame. That’s what it’s all about now; there are prophets for God, and there are prophets for profit. That’s the category they fit in.” and that he has received “more manipulation than inspiration” from them. Larry DeLaRosa, who left the church in 2000, stated that “They’ve [Randy and Paula White] built an empire and used it to gain their own financial wealth.”

Kenneth Copeland:

The Kenneth Copeland Airport is a private airport established by Kenneth Copeland Ministries to serve the area and was named after the main user, Kenneth Copeland, in Fort Worth.  It is near Copeland’s ministry and home, providing base to Copeland’s seven aircraft.

In 2007 Copeland was accused of using his $20 million Cessna Citation X jet for personal vacations and friends. In January John Copeland, son of Kenneth, published a video on the KCM website in which he stated the Citation X jet owned by the ministry was used for personal travel ten percent of the time in 2007, and the ratio for ten percent of the time for personal travel on a 20 million dollar jet would be equal to two million dollars. The KCM board of directors made the decision that Kenneth and Gloria would never again have to travel on public airlines. Kenneth Copeland has claimed that they have used the Citation X for personal use but they pay for every cent of it. The Copeland’s financial records are not publicly available and a list of the Board of Directors is not accessible as these details are protected and known confidentially by the Internal Revenues. Responding to media questions, Copeland pointed to an accounting firm’s declaration that all jet travel complies with federal tax laws.

In December 2008, Copeland’s 1998 Cessna Bravo 550, his second jet, valued at $3.6 million was denied tax-exemption after Copeland refused to submit to disclosure laws for the state of Texas.

Creflo Dollar

is known for his controversial teachings of Prosperity theology. He calls himself “Dr. Creflo Dollar,” but his doctoral degree is merely honorary. Dollar started his ministry in 1986 with eight people and in 2007 was said to have a congregation of 30,000 with $69 million in revenue (gross cash collections) for 2006.

How much is enough?  69 MILLION?  That seems like a good number…to start with.  I’m surprised there’s not more pastors on TV with the profits they rake in.    Sure, yer leading people away from God and there’s a ’special’ place in Hell waiting for you for that, but what do you care anyway yer living it up big time in this world.  Mansions, bling and private jets tend to do just that.

The ‘cost’ will come later…

Death Is On A Roll…

Not Another ‘Important’ Celebrity!  How will we go on without these people?  Pretty well, actually

Sad, sad news folks…TV pitchman with the loud booming voice Billy Mays is dead.

Television viewers knew him as the OxiClean guy: the bearded, boisterous pitchman on commercials airing hundreds of times a week nationwide. “Hi.  Billy Mays here,” he would begin, before showing off his latest cleaning product or gadget.   He said got out even the toughest of stains, and Orange Glo, which he said shined up any wood around your home. “I love beautiful wood,” he tells customers (Add snicker here).

Family, friends and colleagues mourned Mays, 50, who was found unresponsive in his Tampa home Sunday, and awaited an autopsy to determine the cause of his sudden death.

Police said Mays told his wife he didn’t feel well when he went to bed Saturday night. Earlier in the day, he said he was hit on the head when his airliner had a rough landing at Tampa Bay’s airport.

I suspect foul play.  I suspect that the wife killed him.  I’m just amazed she put with that guy’s voice and mannerisms for as long as she did.  If I had to listen to his voice for a couple of hours aslone, there’d be a homicide…which ironically enough I could easily clean up with some of the cleaning products he pushed.  Circle of life, my friends, the circle of life…

So…let’s see what the figure of Death’s been up to recently, shall we?:

  1. Killed washed up, annoying sidekick/pitchman Ed McManonCHECK.
  2. Killed washed up, annoying 70’s celebrity Farrah Fawcett (with ass cancer ta boot)…CHECK.
  3. Killed washed up, annoying 80’s Weirdo extraordinaire/KING OF PEDOPHILES Michael Jackson (giving him ass cancer to die of wouldve be poetic)…CHECK.
  4. Killed super annoying TV Pitchman Billy MaysCHECK.

Good Work!  But if I was say….Joan Rivers, Carrot Top, Donald Trump, Rosie O’Donnell, Joy Behar, Whoopi Goldberg, Barbara Walters (really any of the annoying bitch/shrews from The View), Janeane Garefalo, Al Sharpton, Jesse Jackson, Rush Limbaugh (And Im a Republican!) …I’d be looking over my shoulder for Death’s on a freakin’ rampage!  Go….Death!

C’mon Turk, Resign For A ‘Manageable’ Price, Don’t Be An Idiot And Leave For A Few More Bucks

He’s collected quite a bit of nicknames over the year:

InVinceable, Vin-sanity, Air Canada, Air Carter, Half-Man/Half-Amazin’ and The Human Highlight Reel.

Air France (Pietrus) AND Air Canada on the same team…

Man, I really hope that this whole trade for Carter works out, with Turk on his way out and all (fingers crossed not).  Here’s what some in the know say about the trade:

‘Based on what we know about Vince Carter and Ryan Anderson, they’re improvements over the men they’ll replace in the rotation. That’s reason enough for encouragement, even accounting for the loss of a brilliant youngster (Courtney Lee).’

The Lee part of the trade bothers me, but if we win a title next year I’ll get over it.

First, we trade for Tracy McGrady, now years later his cousin…odd the way life goes.

Here’s some other nicknames for Dwight Howard:

  • Black Magic
  • Young Thunder
  • D12
  • The Daily Double (for his consistent scoring and rebounding)
  • The Bloodhound (Referencing his ruthless ability to track and block shots)
  • Superman

I really like The Bloodhound.

Movie Review: X-Files: I Want To Believe

To quantify things:  Yes, I am a big fan of the series.  Seen every episode I believe.  There were 2 distinct types of episodes:  Alien-related and Monster-based.  No, I’m not a fan of the alien conspiracy episodes.  Luckily, this movie isn’t the first category, that’s good.  It’s also though not in the last category, that’s bad, because it made me wonder what about it other than Murder and Scully in it makes it an X-Files movie.  Even though the first film was alien-based, I liked the first one better.  The 2 movies are different kinds of movie, the first an action/adventure and this one is more thriller/horror:  less action-orientated, more morally reflective.  The movie’s still good though…just not X-Files good.

There’s just certain elements one comes to expect want in an X-Files flick:

  1. Creepiness
  2. Cool mythology
  3. Creative monsters
  4. Intelligent and witty dialogue
  5. Unusual murders/deaths

This film has numbers 4 and 5.  Where’s the creepiness?  The kick-ass weird monsters?  The cool myth?  Not here sadly.   This one’s way too ‘realistic’ for an X-Files movie.  Kojak or Columbo could’ve cracked this case.  Where’s the suspension of disbelief?  I hope they do a third flick to make up for this just OK one.

http://www.blogcdn.com/www.tvsquad.com/media/2006/06/tooms.jpg

More like this guy Tooms

Tooms was a mutant capable of hibernating for 30 years at a time, and possessed a unique skeleton that allowed him to contort his body through incredibly small spaces.  Tooms also possessed the ability to heal his own body from moderate to serious injuries such as cuts, joint dislocations and also abrasions. As well as being unnaturally strong for his size, he also seemed to be insensitive to pain.

See, now thats cool…

*** 3 Astericks out of ***** 5 Astericks


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